Father's Day_An Opportunity For Reconciliation

Reconciliation With Those Who Wounded Us

Series Review:

·         The need for all humans to be reconciled to God because of Sin

·         The barriers to reconciliation that Jesus broke down

·         The need to be reconciled with each other

As far as being reconciled to each other is concerned Jesus had much to say on the matter.  It occupied a central part of his most notable sermon, the Sermon on the Mount: Blessed are the peace makers, turn the other cheek, go two miles, give your cloak also and his most often quoted line forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.

As we examine more of what Jesus and the New Testament writers had to say about reconciliation of interpersonal conflicts one thing becomes abundantly clear.  If it is going to happen it is up to me to make it happen.  The responsibility for seeking reconciliation is placed at the feet of the one who is offended and not at the feet of the offender.  This is a great reversal and is one of the reasons who so few of us are willing to engage in reconciliation.  It flies in the face of fairness and our own personal sense of justice.  Listen to these passages:

(Matt 5:23 [ISV])

“So if you are presenting your gift at the altar and remember there that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and first go and be reconciled to your brother. Then come and offer your gift.

I guarantee you that if the people of God were following this text there would be no evidence of brethren being in malice for weeks at a time. There would be more evidence of persons slipping out of church at breaking of bread or during the offertory.

Rom. 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live in peace with all people.  The clinch phrase there is ‘so far as it depends on you.’  Yes I know that some persons are war mongers and some persons are extremely difficult to live with but a lot depends on you.

Another classic text on reconciliation in the church that is woefully ignored today:

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and confront him while the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.16 But if he doesn’t listen, take one or two others with you so that ‘every word may be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If, however, he ignores them, tell it to the congregation. If he also ignores the congregation, regard him as a gentile and a tax collector.

How is it that the church of Jesus is filled with so much gossiping, backbiting, backstabbing and petty cliques if Jesus left such a strong medicine for us?

What does this personal responsibility for reconciliation mean for us today as we observe Father’s Day?

The lack of a sufficiently nurturing environment at home and in particular the absence of a father to specifically love, guide and relate to the child in a healing and affirming way may result in what is typically called the “father wound.”   Many Jamaican and Caribbean children do suffer from this “father wound.” 

Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy. Abused teens are less likely to practice safe sex, putting them at greater risk for STD’s.

A positive and continuous relationship to one's father has been found to be associated with a good self-concept, higher self- esteem, higher self-confidence in personal and social interaction, higher moral maturity, reduced rates of unwed teen pregnancy, greater internal control and higher career aspirations. Fathers who are affectionate, nurturing and actively involved in child-rearing are more likely to have well- adjusted children. - Dr. George Rekers

Two first graders were overheard as they left Sunday School class, "Do you really believe all that stuff about the devil?" "No, I think it's like Santa Claus. It's really your dad."    Forget the joke now and come back to the reality of the average Jamaican teenage male: many hold their father in a similar esteem because of the wounds they have inflicted by their presence or absence or both.  The father-wound that many of us face is deep, very deep. The father-wound is the physical, emotional and spiritual wounds inflicted upon children by men who themselves have been wounded by their Fathers. 

In his epic work on Godly masculinity, “Wild At Heart” , John Eldridge writes: In the case of violent  fathers, the boy’s question is answered in a devastating way. “Do I have what it takes? Am I a man papa?” No, you are mama’s boy, an idiot, a faggot… Those are the defining sentences that shape a man’s life. The assault wounds are like a shotgun blast to the chest.

 This can get unspeakably evil when it involves physical, sexual or verbal abuse carried on for years. Without some kind of help, many men never recover.  The manifestation of the woundedness is the continued brokenness in family life and the serious social repercussions like gangs and criminal minds. 

It is God’s fatherhood which begins the process of healing from the deep wounds inflicted upon children. It is only as His character is embraced and His value system embraced that personal healing will be found and communities restored. 

There's a Spanish story of a father and son who had become estranged. The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an ad in a Madrid newspaper. The ad read: Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father. On Saturday 800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers.

Perhaps the most relevant missionary challenge for our society was penned by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Corinthians: Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father. (I Cor. 4:15 NIV).  Paul knew that these people didn't need another teacher, their needs were much deeper, they needed a father.

In Jesus famous parable of the lost son in Luke 15.  We see a father and son who had become estranged. We see a rude, impudent son who wounds his father deeply by not only asking for his inheritance but leaving home with clearly no intention of returning.

The parable is really not so much about the conduct of the younger son. It is about the unforgiving, ungraceful older brother who refuses to be reconciled with his brother. 

Notice that though the father has been wronged he stands daily looking out, hoping to see his son coming home. He stands ready to be reconciled.  Notice too that the young son has come to a place where he takes responsibility for being reconciled with his father.  He returns home ready to face his father whom he has wounded.  His father, the offended stands ready to forgive.

His actions: hugs and kisses.  The tense used to describe the kiss suggests that the father kept on kissing the son, he calls for a robe, he calls for a ring and a sandals.  The ring and sandals were the garments of a free man not a slave.  The father would not allow the son to complete his statement about making him a hired servant. He receives him the son that He is.

Write a letter

Visit your father, visit your son

Visit the grave

Heal the memories by deciding to release it

End the cycle of woundedness